Sunday, January 10, 2010

So I hopped off the plane at Heathrow International with a dream and my cardigan…

Everything was going well until I got to immigration. “What’s your reason for coming to the UK?” I gave them my passport and told them that I was doing an unpaid internship and that I would be staying for 10 weeks. I was expecting him to stamp the passport and life would just move on. Not so fast.
“You need a Visa, do you have one?”
“No, I am not getting paid, it is an educational experience so I do not need a Visa. Or at least this is how the situation was explained to me.”
“I’m sorry sir, can you just sit down over here please? I will be back.”

Alright, so I sat down and started playing Brick-Breaker on my “service-less” Blackberry. About 45 minutes later a woman came over and asks me to come with her to retrieve my luggage from the baggage claim. We then brought my bags into this special room where she told me she was required to examine the contents of my luggage. This woman then proceeded to go through all of the stuff I had packed. I was very confused. I then had to sign all these forms and we had to count the amount of money I had on my person (I forgot to mention the dollar t-shirt, uh oh!), and fill out information about all of my credit/debit cards. “Sir, I am going to bring you back to where you were sitting, and then you will be met by a security guard and taken to the Immigration Detention Center for interrogation and investigation.” Wait, seriously?

So this guy comes over and takes me to the Immigration Detention Center; a not so friendly place. First they took mug shot photos of me, both sitting and standing. Then they took my handprints, each finger print and then I had to roll my fingers on this screen to get all the possible partial prints. Maybe a little over the top? I then was taken to another room where a guard with rubber gloves gave a very invasive body search and then sent me into the room where I was to be detained.

This detention area was just a lovely room. A bunch of chairs all chained to the floor, a t.v. behind what appeared to be bullet-proof thick glass, a table with a few books, and a pay phone. When I asked how long I could be detained for the response was “I can’t be sure sir, could be one hour, could be five hours, maybe even ten. You will be served a hot meal around noon and 5:30 if necessary. It is at this point that I release that I might be in a less than ideal situation. Honestly, I felt sick to my stomach. One of the most miserable moments of my life. What the hell is this bull shit?

About fifteen minutes later the door opened and the guard brought in another man, who I later found out was from Uganda. This guy was wearing a button down shirt, a blazer and a nice pair of jeans. He was also very dark skinned and appeared to be in his early thirties. The guard told him he could sit wherever he would like. In a deep African accent he said “I’ll sit with my fellow comrade right here.” He seemed like a nice guy. Here’s how our first conversation went. “So, why are you here?”

I told him how I didn’t really fit any of the Visa qualifications, and I was told I didn’t need one. Now they are not letting me into the country.
“Those bastards! They should just let you in.” I couldn’t agree more.
“So, how about you?”
“Well, I have been working in England for over a year now, but I forged my documents coming over here. They finally found out that my papers were illegitimate, and now they are deporting me. These people make me sick. They are treating me like a terrorist. I’m no fucking terrorist, I am a man who went looking for work to feed his family.”

I honestly wish I talked to this guy more. I probably could have learned a good amount. However, at the time I felt like a was literally going to throw up. This guy from Uganda was telling me stories about his home when he was called back by one of the guards. When he returned I asked him what that was about. “They asked if I wanted a trial. I told them ‘Fuck that, send me home.” What a guy!

It gets a lot less interesting and a lot more confusing after this. Basically I got called into the interrogation room and had a very intense discussion with the immigration officer. We argued for a while and I may have shared a few too many negative opinions about the UK. Whatever. I am in my flat in London as Visitor. They called the Parliament’s office and told them it was illegal for me to work. So I do not have an internship anymore.

Ill share more with you later. I am going to bed!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

2010

What will happen in 2010? A new year brings a clean slate and endless possibilities. Will Lebron leave Cleveland? Will this be the year I beat John Fisher’s Tetris high score? Will Wile Coyote finally catch the Road Runner? Can I quit smoking? While there are so many uncertainities, here is a brief list of things to look forward to the next year.

January 26: Barry Manilow is set to release his much awaited “The Greatest Love Songs of all time”. Will it include Usher, Lil Jon and Ludacris's “Lovers and Friends”?

Feb 7 Superbowl XLIV: Brady and Bellicheck get number 4?

February 12-28 Winter Olympics in Vancouver: Four long years later and the question on everybody’s mind: will Germany repeat as Bobsled gold medalists?

February 14: Bring in the year of the Tiger. About time we ended the year of the Ox.

March 13: Manny Pacquiao vs. Floyd Mayweather Jr. Hopefully it will happen.

March 26: T.I. is to be released from a Federal Correctional Complex. “Baby you could have whatever you like (as long as it doesn’t involve us leaving this house, because I’m on house arrest)”

March 31: Peter Dolan’s 19th Birthday: Any new privileges come with being 19?

April 11th- Final round of The Masters Golf Tournament. Will Tiger rejoin the PGA for the biggest tournament of the year?

May 21: John Bleday graduates from high school. Well, let’s not count our chickens before they hatch.

June 18 - Toy Story 3 opens: A Disney Pixar Movie is to Peter Dolan as the Twilight Saga is to middle school girls.

June 11th- July 11th World Cup: I love athletes competing for their home countries. Purest form of sport.

July 11th- The last chance to see a Solar Eclipse until 2021. Unfortunately, it’s only visible in the South Pacific.

Late August: I start school and cross country at Harvard. oh yeah, I forget about this sometimes.

September- Australia is said to begin its ban on incandescent light bulbs.

December 22nd- I officially declare this date to be “National Caroling Day”.

December 31st: The best year ever unfortunately comes to a close.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Christmas in the City

Christmas must go on! Despite over 12" of snow falling throughout the night, John Fisher, Maggie Fisher, Anna Dolan, John Bleday and myself piled in the Four-Runner to weather the elements and spread Christmas Joy to over 2,000 inner city children. Christmas in the City is a massive Christmas party at the Bayside Expo Center full of food, games, music and of course, Santa. If Santa was going to make it all the way from the North Pole, then we certainly had no excuse.

We were assigned to the "Casas Esperanzas: Latinos y Ninos" shelter. The shleter name was a little unnerving seeing how none of us are competent spanish speakers. Luckily for us they turned out to speak English. Phew! By the time all the volunteers showed up, one shleter leader found herself with 3 tables, and zero volunteers. Pete, John and John to the rescuse. We jumped ship, leaving our new friends at "Casas Esperanzas: Latinos y Ninos" to help the "Finix House". John Bleday and I stood at the front door with our "Finix House" signs for about 80 minutes until we were told that the families from Finix House decided to follow suit of their volunteers and stay home. Back to Casas Esperanzas.

The music started and oh boy did the party pick up. Everyone had a great time playing catch, chasing each other, or just dancing. Fish had the privelege of being told by a seven year old girl that he "sucked" and everyone had a blast throwing things at Bleday. Good stuff. My claim to fame with the kids was being the guy that would make a "hoop" with his arms so they could slam dunk. Give a few of those kids a contract. I was impressed.

After the meal we were approached by a man with a headset (this guy means business) who asked us to follow him. "Are we going on the stage?!" I asked enthusiastically. "No, you are going in front of the stage. We need some security for Santa." Nothing screams security like three cross country runners wearing holiday sweaters. The Boston Celtics' Dancers accompanied Santa on stage and when I waved to them, five of the seven waved back. Not too shabby.

The "elves" finally arrived with the presents and everyone was super excited. A seven year old boy named JJ asked if I wanted to play with his new stuffed animals with him. Do I! I was only hoping he would ask!
-"So JJ, whats the name of your lamb?"
- (First he said that it was a monkey, not a lamb. Sorry, but he was wrong.) "His name is Jeff."
-"Cool, whats the name of the shark?"
-"He's Mike"
-"He does look like a Mike. What about the lizard?"
-"Jake."
-"Good call. Whats the name of your snake"
-"Danger"



The snake's name was Danger. Awesome.


John Fisher doing his part and setting some place settings prior to the arrival of guests.


Those rolls look delicious don't they? They weren't.



While waiting for our shelter to arrive I finally met my hero: Buzz Lightyear! Great moment or greatest moment? He wasn't very chatty.

John Bleday holding his handmade sign for the Finex House Shleter. If only they showed up...


Bleday looking for a ball to play catch with a little girl.

Quite possibly the two happiest volunteers of all time.

Fake snow fight!

My pal JJ dancing with his sister.

Luckily those little girls were there to teach me how to dance.

Finally, time to open the presents! Way to help out John-O!



















Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread

I think it is about time we dropped this expression. Sliced bread was first sold in 1928, advertised as "the greatest forward step in the baking industry since bread was wrapped." That I can agree with. However, there has been so much that has surpassed the greatness of sliced bread between 1928 and the present. How about the invention of Play Doh? Or the Microwave oven? Crazy Core Skittles anyone? Come on!

I don't even get what is so special about pre-sliced bread in comparison to a full loaf of bread and a sharp knife. Who is the one to tell me how thin or thick my slice of bread is going to be? I am a man who likes to be in charge! Sliced bread does expedite the sandwich making process, I will give it that. i just think its time we moved on from our love affair with sliced bread.

On a similar note, "The Bee's Knees" means the height of excellence? Why? What use do bees have for their knees? Who is responsible for the popularity of this phrase? On the the other hand, I can fully understand "The cat's Pajamas". I will admit to never have seen cat's pajamas, but I am certain they would live up to their hype.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

American Bouldering Series in Boston

I decided to go climbing on Wednesday and found over half the holds in the bouldering section had been taken down. “When will they set the new bouldering routes?” I asked on my way out. “They should be up by Friday.” the guy said. “There is a competition on Sunday”. My budding interest in rock climbing prompted me to question how those competitions work. I was just curious and had no intention of actually entering such an event. “Well you need to register by 9:00 if you want to enter the youth competition, or 11:00 for the adult divisions. Being 18 years old it is up to you.” I gol’ed*, he thought I was asking because I wanted to enter. “Oh no, I don’t consider myself quite at the competitive level, I just am curious to how the scoring works, and what the scene is like at one of those things.”

As I was driving home, pumping the Christmas Carols, I thought more about the preposterous idea of clumsy me in a USAC sanctioned bouldering competition. I had been looking for something to fill the void of athletic competition ever since my last game of pick-up basketball at the Lincoln County YMCA over a month before. Here is what I decided: I would head back to the climbing gym on Friday, check out the new routes and only then would I decide whether I should spend my Sunday afternoon watching football or ripping my hands apart.

I waited until around 9:00 Friday night to head on over to Rock Spot climbing. I just didn’t want to be there as twelve year old girls climbed routes that I could only dream of climbing. My pride was still sore from the last time that happened. Of course that’s a story for another time. Anyways, the new routes were up and I was excited to explore. No longer than ten minutes into the session, my left tricep started burning. I had to call it a night, it appeared I pulled or strained my tricep. It hurt to lift my arm. “Well, did you warm up before you started climbing?” Umm no? Lesson learned. My recon mission, to use computer geek lexicon, was an Epic Fail.

It was too late though, my heart was set on entering this competition. I iced my arm the rest of the weekend, and probably consumed my weight in ibuprofen. One question remained: Youth or Adult division? If I entered the Youth division I would either beat a bunch of thirteen year olds, or more likely, get my butt handed to me by a bunch of thirteen year olds. Neither option really appealed to me. I have a reputation to uphold. Adult division it is.

So it turns out that adult climbers that are not amazing at climbing do not enter competitions. I probably should have seen that coming. Nonetheless, I was entered, warmed up and ready to go. I was partnered with Brandon, from Rhode Island. I was to keep score for him, and he was to keep score for me. A symbiotic relationship you might say. Let the climbing began!

I had a rough start to the day. After falling three times on my first attempted route, Brandon realized that I was not exactly what you would call a “contender”. That’s when Brandon really started to be cool. First, he gave me one of his chalk bags, and then he started giving me advice and encouragement. Some commonly heard phrases included: “Try the one above you left hand” “Keep your body control” “you got it man” ‘There ya go!” What a guy! The next two hours were filled with heartbreak (slipping off the final hold of the same route six times) and ecstasy (pretty much any time I completed a problem). 2:30 and it was time to hand in the score sheets.

What place did I come in you ask? Not important. (Last place, by over 4,000 points). I got a “competitor” ribbon and a hand shake from the award ceremony guy. What more could I ask for? Overall, it was a good day at the Rock Spot.

*gol: giggle out loud. I guess it would make more sense to write g’ed ol. Whatever.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Things That Are Underrated

A few observations I have made about the little things in life that deserve more respect than they are given. Certainly not complete, and in no order:

1. Good Hair Days

Those rare days when your hair looks just right. I think I’ll keep my hat on my bed post today, thank you.

2. Farmers

Farmers do not get nearly enough credit for the amount of nutrition they provide humanity.

3. Temporary tattoos

I feel as if temporary tattoos aren’t used to their full potential by our generation. A tattoo of Donald Duck on your bicep will surely make you look tougher.

4. Cool shaped clouds

Clouds themselves are under rated, especially the cool looking ones. The problem is that we are spoiled with clouds. If huge white puffy shapes in the sky only existed under special circumstances, they would be considered one of the most spectacular displays on our planet.

5. Being on time

It is so pleasant when you make plans and all parties arrive within a few minutes of the agreed upon time.

6. Secret hand shakes

A good secret handshake with someone will no doubt make everyone around you jealous. Isn’t that what everyone wants?

7. Jeopardy

The classic question and answer show developed by Merv Griffin. Consistently entertaining, and more importantly educational. Only one question: Alex Trebek with or without the mustache?

8. New socks

Never again will that pair of socks be as clean, soft and full of possibilities.

9. Kevin Durant

The guy is averaging 27.7 points per game, on one of the worst teams in the NBA. He can score from anywhere. Why doesn’t anyone ever talk about him?

10. Exact Change

What else is there to say about exact change? It just makes life easier.

11. Nice People

Funny people are always getting all the attention. Don’t get me wrong, I am a fan of the humorist, but it’s such a pleasure to spend time with people that are genuinely nice and respectful.

12. Scary Halloween costumes

Nowadays everyone tries to be funny or clever with their Halloween costume. I certainly still appreciate the zombie bride, or a well done Dracula.

13. The variety of toothpaste flavors

Gone are the days when all you could put on your tooth brush was water and baking soda. Take a stroll down the oral hygiene aisle in CVS and you will find spearmint, peppermint, bubble gum, vanilla, cinnamon, citrus, etc.

14. Good commercials

Commercials can be super annoying, particularly during an interesting television program. However, a witty advertisement always brings a smile to my face.

15. Going to bed early

Feeling refreshed and well rested every few days is just wonderful.

16. Yellow First Down Line

I couldn’t imagine watching a game of football on TV without the yellow line. An award winning television development.

17. Puzzles and Board Games

Very Underrated way to spend your time. Both can be very relaxing and rewarding.

18. The First Dip of the Knife in a New Jar of Peanut Butter

This is similar to the feeling of a new pair of socks, and also the first scissor cut into a fresh piece of construction paper.

19. Revolving Doors

Eliminates direct exposure to the outside temperature which conserves energy. More importantly, eliminates the awkward 'should I hold the door open for this dude?' moment.

20. The Beach Boys

Amazing vocals. That is all.



That is all I can think of tonight.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

DoleFish Studios, Back Again?

Here is a teaser to the latest motion picture from DoleFish studios. Scheduled to be released in full between sometime next summer and never. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_8f46dwNzI